21st
BANDAIDS
WORD OF MY BREATH
The other day, I sat down to play my piano. My typical routine is to warmup and then as I am able, I press on into what I call the ‘zone’, where I close my eyes and try to feel my way through a melody that I have composed. As I continue, the sounds become increasingly fluid and I sense the fact that I am making music with all of my being; each of my fingers are cooperating, my breathing slows down to a rhythmic pace and I finally can begin to sing.
I say that this is my ‘typical’ routine because that day was definitely not typical, as I had a bandaid on my left thumb and every time it touched the keyboard, the bandaid fabric caught on the ivories just long enough to upset my rhythm and interrupted my mind. I thought, “This is irritating,” and for a time, I just barreled on through, supposing that stopping to take the bandaid off would just be wasting time and I could ignore it anyway. Continuing on was marginally adequate; after all, I was playing the piano, which I love; I was making beautiful music in doing so, and this looks often like what I do on most days. But after a while, I realized that this strategy wasn’t giving me the satisfaction I was desiring and I must stop everything and take off the bandaid to remedy my situation. Oh Happy Day, freed from synthetic fabric, all my fingers able to cooperate again; everything settled down anew into the ‘zone’ and a fluid melody emerged.
Take this similar principle into our familial or friendship relations. When we come together for any party, family function or occasion, our purpose is to connect with each other in some meaningful way. The Bible uses the word ‘koinonia‘ to describe this fellowship. Sometimes things can be going well, but other times there can be a feeling of upsetness that is just under the surface, sort of like the ‘big pink elephant’ in the room that no one wants to acknowledge, but that everyone knows is there. At that point, each person involved has a decision to make. Do we ignore the tension that is obviously in our midst, like the ‘bandaid’ that rubs on the piano keys, or do we deal with the source of the tension, whatever it is, even if it hurts, like pulling off the bandaid does? In my family, we call this, “Lancing the boil”.
Of course it is a scary thing to talk about confrontation. But leaving the tension of hurt feelings under the surface is like never cleaning the infection out of a sore. Ignoring it does not mean that it heals or goes away-it only festers. It is much better to ‘bite the bullet‘ and talk it over, cry if we need to, forgive each other and go on.
I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t always feel this way. I used to have ‘confrontation radar’ and would disappear the second I knew that one was imminent. I’d follow my Dad into his Library where we would hide together until it was all over. My Mom was always the brave confronter in the family. But the secret, was that she was also the consoling hugger of the family, and that was the special combination that completed the healing process.
You see, my Mother is a Nurse, and Nurses have their special way of making you do the painful, scary things that are really the best thing for you in the end, even though you don’t want to do them, and they give you the hugs and care that you need to get you through, to the full restorative healing. Plus, my Mom is the originator of what she calls, “The Round Hug”. This is the kind of unique hug that fully surrounds you, supports you, uplifts you, enfolds you, and invigorates you.
So from my Mom, I have learned not to hide from confrontation. It is better to take the upfront hurt of confrontation, than to live with the slow death of festering bitterness, that is never dealt with. I know from experience that this is true.
So, be brave, people and take off the ‘bandaids’ in your life and your relationships, whatever they may be and then receive the healing that comes afterward. One more thing I learned from my Mom, the Nurse. When you take off a bandaid, take it off FAST-it hurts a lot less!
“But speaking the TRUTH in LOVE, we ALL may GROW UP.” Ephesians 4:15
